Break up?? Wake up !!!

Life is so simple. Give something and Take something. If you fail giving something, you will end up getting nothing.

This theory works everywhere, every time. From a mom feeding her baby, till the last cross on the forehead.

Love is not an exception. Nor, the break up. This is for my friends who were in love. Who enjoyed having Eve’s apple; at least once in their lifetime.

P.S: Please don’t ask me back anything about the post. For the people who know me, I know that I don’t have any sort of experience on whatever I have shared in this post :p .

But it is just an analysis done out of some and re presented here.

The hardest step in the arduous journey of break up recovery is this one painful decision to finally let go.

It’s this single decision that means the difference between learning from this devastating experience and dwelling upon the negative for a long time,risking that this whole process might happen again in your future relationships.

The difficult part about moving on after a break up is that it takes a conscious decision.

It’s so much easier to hold on to the known, the hope that they will come back, rather than to find yourself cut off from your comfort zone.

Moving on, and letting go is exactly that – going out into the unknown, alone, without the one you used to love by your side.

Before you can take this important step, it helps if you are fed up back to the teeth with being powerless, dependent and so helpless about what is happening to you.

This will give you the strength to take action, and this will to get a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

But, Will it be easy after that?

No. But you will have made a major leap towards independence and healing.

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love.
But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.”
-Said, one of my friend who is enjoying the break :p  True indeed.

This addresses one of the biggest dangers of suffering from a break up: not believing in love anymore and shutting down your heart.

This is wrong, because there is always someone out there better than your Ex, someone who will meet your needs perfectly. Whether we believe it or not.

Turning away from love out of fear means saying NO to life.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving
Passivity means death, activity is living. If you are passive, you allow negative things to come into your life.

Keep riding the bike.

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore
In order to grow and to experience, one must leave his comfort-zone.

Very often this means that you have to do what you are afraid of in order to find what you didn’t know you were looking for.
This takes a lot of courage.
Ask yourself, who would Columbus be today if he hadn’t had the courage to lose sight of the shore back then?

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
This is so true.

We often focus and dwell too long upon negative events in our lives, the whys and what ifs, that we don’t allow new positive things to come into our lives.

We have to open our eyes and say YES to life more often. Even to the worst things we get.

“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new.
What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived”
This is from one of my favorite book  Gone With The Wind by Margaret.

What is broken is broken.  This is often so hard to accept and yet so true.

Months, or even years after a relationship break up, you will fully realize the fatal mistakes you made right after it happened.

Especially the panic controlled actions that made you appear as a different person – often you don’t recognize ourselves any more.

It can bring out the worst in you.

It usually happens that you hate yourselves later for the things you’ve done.

This is understandable, but the wrong thing to do.

Not only does it damage your self-esteem, which is urgently needed for the recovery, (what’s left of it).

But it also destroys the new concept of self-love you are trying to build up.

Avoid these feelings by telling yourself that the past is the past, and concentrate on the NOW.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

All experiences, be they positive or negative, define who we are as a person. 

You can’t carry your unfinished past with you if you want to grow.

Especially when entering a new relationship.  

You need to have gotten over past negative experiences.

If you haven’t, then chances are that they will bite you in the lower back eventually.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.


One of the hardest things to do after a break up is to let go of the bright future that you’ve planned out together.

Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult.
Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.


What is easier, holding on or letting go?
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You are able to say to yourself.
You have lived through this horror. You can take the next thing that comes along.
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

This is the only way to overcome fears: first by doing and facing what you fear and then by gaining the confidence that no matter what comes your way, you can handle it!

There is a famous quote where it says that one should learn from the mistakes OTHERS make and thereby avoid them.

On the other hand:

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
I believe that there are two kinds of mistakes: the kind that you can learn and evolve from, and the kind that should be avoided.

When it comes to post relationship break up mistakes, there are some which better be avoided.  The following fall into that category.

Here are the main mistakes most of you people make right AFTER a relationship break up and what I found in common among my friends who were in love.

Panic Controlled Actions:

Confronted by what we think is the worst that can happen to you, you do anything to fight it off: you plead, you beg, cry in front of our Exes, harass, stalk, write e-mails, IMs, etc.

All these things will make you cringe when you later think about it.

I think that almost every Dumpee makes these mistakes – I don’t think that they are completely avoidable. These are desperate actions by our animal part of the brain, fighting for survival.

The sad thing is that they are completely useless. I’ve never heard that a Dumper came back after the Dumpee wrote them a billion e-mails begging to have mercy.

If you’ve made these mistakes, don’t beat yourself up over them.   If you’re about to commit them, try to resist.

Reassuring Love:

You are committed to thinking that if they only KNEW how much you loved them, they would come back immediately, so you keep telling them – over and over again.

The only problem is, they KNOW. They’re breaking up anyway.

Breakups happen rarely because the Dumper thinks that they are not being loved. Constant reassurance only leads to humiliation.

Hoping To Stay Friends ;-)

This is a very common mistake that is often made by those having little experience with relationship break ups.

I know that your Ex was your best friend, your intimate partner, the closest person to you.

But it is impossible to maintain this kind of relationship AFTER the breakup. Everything has changed – nothing is as it was before.

You can’t count on your Ex any longer, because they will harm you more than they would help.

The good news is, you CAN find another support system: Look for old friends who used to be close.

Your family should also be of great help. 

Look for new friends who can make you happy.

With whom you feel happy, safe and comfortable.

Use every connection you have for support – you need it.

Maintaining Contact:

The no-contact rule is the number one precondition IF you want to get over your relationship break up fast.

Look at it like a drug addict: you can’t get clean with YOUR drug right in front of you.

Use Your Exes Friends and Family:

Out of the ambition to make sense out of all of it, we use their friends or their family. We interview, manipulate and try to use them for our purposes.

Besides the fact that they rarely know anything about the deeper reasons, it really is inappropriate to involve a third person in your breakup. This is something that’s between you and your Ex.

If you do this, you will regret it later.

Rebound Relationships:

Many people leapfrog into a new affair right after their relationship breaks up.

I absolutely do not recommend that.

It may appear that this is the best thing to do in order to get over your Ex but, believe me, the opposite is the case.

You will be constantly comparing to your Ex, everything will remind you of them and you will be frustrated, because NOBODY is as good as your Ex.  (This is an illusion of course).

It will throw you back and it will mask your pain, hiding you from the issues your breakup needs to resolve.

Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to work these things out.

If you do, you have to face that problem again and again, from relationship to relationship.

For many people, healing will not start until they are alone with themselves, confronting their inner demons.

These are the main mistakes most people make right AFTER their relationship breaks up.

Please don’t beat yourself up if you’ve already made some of them. 

Even if they should be avoided, some of these mistakes are part of the healing and learning process.

So even IF you will look back month/years later and regret a few things you’ve done, they might have been necessary to get you to the point you are today.

Now it’s your turn, tell me, which one of these mistakes have you made? ;-)